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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28391793">Unforgettable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomblr/pseuds/fandomblr'>fandomblr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic, Asexual, Asexual Character, Flashbacks, I only mentioned it briefly one time but yeah their relationship isn't romantic, Nelyo is aroace and is in a QPR with Fingon in case you couldn't tell, Other, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Life Partners, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Queerplatonic Relationships, Queerplatonic partner, They just like giving each other platonic kisses, Trauma, aroace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:02:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28391793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomblr/pseuds/fandomblr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>While he is out hunting with some of his brothers and cousins, Maedhros stumbles upon traumatic flashbacks of his time in Tharangodrim and faces Celegorm's scorn. Fingon isn't too happy about his jerk cousin mocking his queerplatonic partner's trauma and dares Maedhros to stand up for himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unforgettable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nelyafinwë laid upon the cold stone floor of Angband, his shoulders being held by a brutal force that belonged to no other than Sauron, Gorthaur the cruel. Nelyafinwë had fought against the Maia’s way for far too long, and now he was laying on the floor, unable to repel Sauron’s body against him. His strength, once famed and golden, was now diminished and feeble by his long days of torture and most importantly, Sauron’s ravishing of him. The sorcerer would not be swayed by his bodily defense, for he always obtained what he desired. Yet not a supplicant whim or a pleading word had been uttered by his victim. This he could not earn by his hand, for Nelyafinwë was determined that his only complaint would be uttered by his corpse as it was thrown to the orcs. </p><p>Nelyafinwë felt as if he were being shaken, which was quite remarkable if one noted the thrusting motion Sauron made upon him. He then heard a voice, a voice that belonged not to Gorthaur. “Maitimo, can you hear me? Maitimo, come back. I am right here.<em> ”  </em></p><p>Nelyafinwe’s vision became blurry, the flashback weakening as he heard the voice that was dearest to him, the voice he loved. Nelyafinwe opened his dark grey eyes to meet Findekáno’s dark eyes and brown skin. “Maitimo, are you alright?” He said, his voice full with concern. </p><p>Nelyafinwe assented. The voices of his present brothers were audible. “It is passing,” he heard Pityafinwë say, much to his fluster. Findekáno helped him stand up, and Nelyafinwë took in hand the blade he had carried. In front of him laid the brutally stabbed deer that had caused such a flashback in the first place. </p><p>Irissë and Findarato approached them, as well as his two brothers. “Was it a flashback again?” His fair-haired cousin asked, his tone grave and heavy with worry. </p><p>“It was nothing,” he lied, walking along with the rest of the hunters. Yet his lie was unconvincing, and both of his cousins knew it so. It had been half a year since his rescue from Thangorodrim, and yet the flashbacks came back every couple of weeks. His body had healed, bearing the scars that testified his agonizing torture, yet his mind remained scarred to this day. The flashbacks occurred during the day, yet Nelyafinwe preferred them to the nightmares in the evening, a major factor that had contributed to his insomnia. Findekáno would sleep next to him every day, despite his insistence to do otherwise. It was not that Findekáno’s presence troubled him, but rather that his own scarred body, once perfect and beautiful, brought upon him even more shame. Despite his insecurities, Nelyafinwë had to admit that sleeping on the same bed with his cousin was a comforting experience. In Tirion, they had seldom shared a room by themselves, as his father’s dislike of Nolofinwë grew. </p><p>Findekano whispered sweetly to him. “Maitimo, we don't have to stay here. If the flashbacks are coming back it is best to go home… Findarato and Irissë understand.” </p><p>But Nelyafinwë was far prouder than to admit his weakness in front of his brothers and cousins, even in front of the one he loved. “It is not necessary. I am better now.” </p><p>Findekáno’s gaze was not the more serene, yet he would not go against Maitimo’s wish. He knew very well of his cousin’s wounded self-esteem despite his attempts to cover it. “Fine,” he said with a sigh. ”But if another flashback comes we are going home.”</p><p>Nelyafinwë ceded to his terms, having no option. “Let’s get going,” he heard Tyelkormo say, with Irissë after his steps. The six of them walked over the sinuous path of the forest, and Nelyafinwë went with the same agility he had enjoyed before his captivity. Findekáno smiled at the thought, for despite his many obstacles, Nelyafinwë seemed to be progressing, both in skill and strength. </p><p>After what seemed to be hours of walking, Irissë uttered words of warning. “A beast is in our way. The steps are even visible.” She unsheathed her long dagger, walking cautiously. Nelyafinwë and Findekano did the same. </p><p>Tyelkormo then spoke in mockery. “I see nothing except Huan’s sticky paws. Surely my brother’s hallucinations have made an impact on you,” he laughed scornfully, making the situation even more uncomfortable for Nelyafinwë. </p><p>Irissë’s expression turned sour. “Turco, this is not funny.” </p><p>Findekáno stepped in as well, with Findarato at his side. “My sister is right, Tyelkormo. This is no joking matter, nor it is to be taken lightly. Have you any idea of--”</p><p>His phrase was interrupted by Nelyafinwë’s staying hand on his shoulder. “Finno, it's alright. He meant nothing by it.”</p><p>Findekáno’s lips closed to a full end out of frustration, and Tyelkormo continued to talk. “Since when have the Nolofinwëans been so boring? Eru, even Irissë has been hit hard by it.”</p><p>Findarato then spoke against Tyelkormo, for he was done with standing back and listening to his cousins. “It is not just the sons of Nolofinwë that tire of your mockery, but everyone else that hears your sharp tongue." </p><p>Tyelkormo rolled his eyes but spoke no more until what seemed to be an orc approached them. All of the elves unsheathed their weapons, and Irissë was the first to attack, wounding the orc. The eldest cousins attacked next, yet Nelyafinwe began to notice that his vision was shifting once more. “<em> Orro, this is not happening again!” </em>He closed and opened his eyes, and for a minute he was back to reality. He stabbed the dying orc even harder, yet the sight of it only made the flashback stronger. Soon he could no longer distinguish where he was fighting; whether he was on the outside of Angband or on the long forests. His vision turned then to the cold walls of the evil fortress, and of his fight against the guards. </p><p>He heard the orc’s fall, yet knew not which orc it was. “Maitimo, are you unwell?” He heard Findekáno say, yet his voice was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, he stepped on a wet surface, and before he knew it he himself was falling on the shallow waters of a pond. He hoped then that his nightmarish flashback would end, but his wish was to no avail. <em> “I cannot bring myself to understand your thoughts, kinslayer. Or should I say ‘king?'”  </em></p><p>The malicious voice of Sauron flooded through his ears like venom<em> . “You deny yourself the opportunity of allying yourself with my lord, of ending your agony, yet you will not cede. What keeps you from escaping your torture to join Morgoth? A wicked deed you have performed along with your brothers, so why ignore this? Someone else besides your family must keep you at bay, someone you love and who now curses your name.” </em> A smile emerged from the Maia’s devilish face. “ <em> How could he ever love you in the first place? You were nothing else besides your pretty face, worthless now. Is that what he used to call you? ‘Maitimo’? Oh, how the irony stings!” </em>He cackled. </p><p>Nelyafinwë felt as if all of his hopes had drowned right beside him, and no longer fought to exit the flashback. Sauron was right after all; perhaps Findekáno would be better off without him. “Maitimo, MAITIMO!” He heard Findekáno’s voice say, yet believed it not, for Sauron’s trickery was strong. Yet he felt a force lifting him out of the waters, and the memory of Sauron’s cackling laugh faded as he touched land. He then saw that he was not stuck in the cold waters of Angband’s fountain, but rather safely in the forest. </p><p>“Maitimo!” He heard Findekano say, feeling his affectionate embrace.”For a moment I thought I had lost you.” He then noticed that his cousin was as dripping as he, and detected the unmistakable smell of wet dog. Huan had apparently taken a good long dive with Findekáno to catch Nelyafinwë, for he was soaking wet.</p><p> “Are you alright?” Nelyafinwë asked him worriedly. </p><p>Findekano smiled. “Better now.” Nelyafinwë saw his cousins and brothers approach them hastily. Ambarussa seemed relieved to have his brother back, perhaps because he could not stand to lose another one. Tyelkormo rode hard  to meet them, and was greeted by Huan.”We are fortunate to have a Valinorean hound at our service, or otherwise, Russandol might have drowned in one of his flashbacks. But maybe it would not have been that bad…”</p><p>“TYELKORMO! That is enough,” Irissë cut him off, her eyes shimmering with the same fear-instilling wrath that her father had displayed while walking across the Helcaraxe.</p><p>Tyelkormo’s face reddened with surprise. “What is ON with you today? Learn to handle a joke. Being a spinster does not suit you so well, does it?” He said scornfully.</p><p>“Turcafinwë!” Nelyafinwë exclaimed scoldingly, but it was not long before Irissë had slapped what was possibly her favorite cousin, his pale blonde hair waving across the wind. Tyelkormo’s expression of spite was one that was hard to forget, and he mounted his horse with Huan at his side. “<em> Eca, a mitta lambatya cendelesse orcova!”- </em>-He yelled as he rode away in the distance.</p><p><em> “Sure tula cendeletyallo!” </em> Irissë insulted him back, but no other response was said. “Jerk.”</p><p>Nelyafinwë was facepalming so hard he even slightly stuttered when he spoke. “I am sorry, Irissë… You know how brutish Tyelko can be. His behavior cannot be excused.”</p><p>But Irissë was too hot-headed for any sort of apologies from anyone. “Actually, yes it can. If you had a little respect for yourself perhaps he would treat you better than he does now, and his tedious mockery would be put to an end for the better,” she said with a hint of nuisance in her voice and bore farewell to her brother.</p><p>Findarato saw her leave, standing next to his two cousins. “I fear she is right.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>Findekáno sat next to Nelyafinwë in their chambers inside Himring. “Love, I know Tyelkormo is your brother, but Eru, he is an asshole.”</p><p>Nelyafinwe snorted. “As if after hundreds of years of living beside him I had not noticed,” he expected for Findekáno to chuckle as well, but rather found his expression to be full of concern as he spoke. “You do not understand it, do you?”</p><p>The previous smile faded from his face, as the words of Sauron were echoed in his ears. ‘<em> How could he ever love you in the first place?’ </em> ”What do I not understand?” </p><p>Findekáno cupped his cousin’s face with his hands. “Did you not understand <em> anything </em> of what Irissë was saying? Of how you should give yourself the dignity, the respect you deserve? That Tyelkormo’s insults, no matter how minor, are degrading you?”</p><p>Nelyafinwë was apprehensive. “Finno, he doesn’t mean anything by it.”</p><p>“And what did you do when he insulted my sister? Then you said something.”</p><p>“That is different. He and I are brothers, that is how we get along… Irissë, however, is his cousin,  and he should have some respect for her.”</p><p>Findekáno’s tone was grave, even sorrowful. “This is not about Tyelkormo or my sister for that matter, and you know it. This is about you, and how despite your improvement, you keep beating yourself up constantly. What is it that I can forgive from you than you cannot forgive yourself for? If you think that I have not noticed how your self-esteem is torn apart in pieces, then you are heavily mistaken.”</p><p>Nelyafinwë sighed. “You would not understand. Do you not see that I do not deserve you, that you are too noble, too good for me? That perhaps your life could be better without me in it?"</p><p>Findekáno said nothing and instead turned his back to him. Nelyafinwë then felt like his soul had been torn apart, thinking that his cousin had seen the truth in his words. He was about to stand up when he heard from him what could be interpreted as silenced sobs. “Findekáno?”</p><p>“You do not understand how much it hurts for you to say that, do you? All your self-hatred does is wound me, because I love you, and I cannot stand seeing you like this! For all I know I could have lost you today, and now you are just telling me that I would be better off without you? As if you weren’t the love of my life, the one person I cannot stand to lose?”</p><p>Nelyafinwë stood next to him and saw that they both were on the verge of tears. “The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I did not think you could feel that way for me after everything that I have done.”</p><p>“Well, I do,” he said with the same stubborn tone his sister had used earlier.</p><p>A knock was uttered on the door. “It's me, Makalaurë. Tyelko needs to talk to you, Nelyo.”</p><p>The door was opened by Findekáno. “Tell him that there is no need for his scorn.”</p><p>Makalaurë, the messenger, seemed exasperated. “He comes to offer his apologies.”</p><p>Findekáno and Nelyafinwë exchanged mutual glares. “What has gotten into him, I wonder? Well, I suppose he can come in.”</p><p>“After what he said to you? No, there is no way in Arda…”</p><p>Nelyafinwë held Findekano’s hand ever so dearly. “Please. Let me fix what I have done.”</p><p>Findekáno raised an eyebrow. ‘Fine, I shall be outside. But if I hear one more joke…”</p><p>“Finno, I’ll handle it. I promise,” he said fervently.</p><p>Findekáno did not oppose him any longer and exited the room as Tyelkormo came in. “Forgive me. It was foolish of me to mock your suffering, especially now.”</p><p>Nelyafinwe gazed away. “I am not the only one you owe an apology to, Tyelko. You offended Irissë and Findekáno…”</p><p>“It was a reaction, nothing else. I didn’t mean it as an insult.”</p><p>Nelyafinwe raised an eyebrow. “You told her to go french-kiss an orc.”</p><p>“You forget that she insulted me as well! She said wind pours from my mouth!”</p><p>“And with just reason.” </p><p>Tyelkormo seemed bewildered. “Still, I fail to see why I owe an apology to Findekáno.”</p><p>“You can ask him yourself.”</p><p>Tyelkormo’s facial expression was oddly similar to Huan’s when he was eager to be taken outside. “Does that mean I am forgiven?”</p><p>Nelyafinwë stared around the room, making it seem as if he were considering his forgiveness. “Consider yourself forgiven by me, but not by anyone else. But,” he raised a finger, ”no more cruel scorns are allowed. Not to me, not to anyone. Understood?”</p><p>His brother looked as if he had been relieved of an enormous burden. “Ugh, fine."He exited and said nothing more. </p><p>Findekáno entered the room, and before he even was aware of it, his cousin’s lips were pressed against his own in a platonic kiss. “I knew you still had it in you.”</p><p>Nelyafinwë smiled. “Love, it has never left me, not even during Thangorodrim. Eru, you should have heard me respond to the lieutenant of Morgoth. Despite all of my suffering, I think my father would have been proud.”</p><p>Findekáno chuckled. “I think my uncle would have been more than proud of you, Maitimo.” </p><p>But all of a sudden his mother name felt like being stabbed in a fresh wound. <em> ‘You were nothing else besides your pretty face, worthless now. Is that what he used to call you? ‘Maitimo’? Oh, how the irony stings!’ </em>“Don’t call me that.” </p><p>There was a hint of pain in Findekano’s eyes. “It never bothered you before.” </p><p>“It always bothered me, truly. There is little that remains of my old beauty, and the name only serves for hypocrisy now,” he gazed away shamefully.</p><p>“Nelyo, look at me.” Nelyafinwë turned towards him in shame, his queerplatonic partner gently tracing the long scar that ran from his cheekbone to his jaw, and the one that ran across the left side of his head and began shortly at the forehead. “Your scars show all that you have endured, your strength, the obstacles you have defeated, even your beauty… Besides, your face was not the only thing that made you beautiful, and neither was your body.”</p><p>“That is a lie and you know it. Sauron…” He stopped abruptly after accidentally mentioning the Maia.</p><p>Findekáno’s eyes widened. “What of Sauron?”</p><p>“Nothing, it is nothing. I just had a flashback earlier, that is all.”</p><p>“It was about him, was it not?”</p><p>“Finno…”</p><p>Findekano’s eyes were full of concern. “Did he hurt you again while you were there?”</p><p>“Finno, there is no need for you to know about this.”</p><p>“But I do need to know! If you remember him in a flashback, it is because he did something terrible to you, something unspeakable…”</p><p>It was now Nelyafinwe’s turn to be silent. “He was in more than one flashback, was he not?”</p><p>Nelyafinwe assented. “In some strange way, he knew that I loved you.”</p><p>“And he used that against you,” he said painfully.</p><p>“He said that you could never even love me in the first place, that all I could ever be was a pretty face, and even that was ruined… He even knew what my mother name is, and that you called me by it.” He realized that for once, his voice was about to break. </p><p>“Maitimo…”</p><p>“Do not call me that.” </p><p>His words were extinguished by a fervent kiss, a kiss that was weakly returned. “Listen, I do not care about what Sauron or anyone else has to say about you, do you understand? I call you Maitimo, yes, because to me you will always be beautiful, and as I said, your face was not the only thing that made you beautiful. It was your soul, your eyes, the kindness that still lives in you…”<br/><br/>“Findekáno, there is nothing beautiful about my soul. I am an accursed kinslayer.”</p><p>“And so am I, yet you still love me. We made a mistake, all of us, and we are here to mend what we can. Do you not think the same?”</p><p>“I guess I could try,” he chuckled. </p><p>“That is another thing that makes you beautiful.“What? Trying?” He laughed, and this time there was cheer in it. </p><p>Findekáno shook his head. “No, silly, laughing. <em> Melin tirie hendutya silale ya lalat. </em> I am going to miss it for a couple of days. <em> ” </em></p><p>Nelyafinwë understood. “You are leaving tomorrow, are you not?”</p><p>Findekano assented. “I would stay if I could, but my father is ever so stubborn. He insists that I should attend a council with Thingol. As if that were to make a difference.”</p><p>Nelyafinwë walked around the chamber. “Well, my lord, how do you wish to spend your last night in Himring?”</p><p>“It will certainly not be my last, you can rest assured. There is no way I am leaving you by yourself the whole time,” they both chuckled. “But to answer your question, I want it to be unforgettable.”</p><p>“Ah, unforgettable?”</p><p>“Yes, unforgettable. But first, you must promise me something." </p><p>Nelyafinwë’s eyes shone with a new light. “Anything.” </p><p>“Promise me that you will take care of yourself.”</p><p>“I promise it.”</p><p>“And that you will not let Tyelkormo or Atarinkë scorn you.”</p><p>“I also promise this.”</p><p>“And that you will not be so harsh on yourself.”</p><p>“That is going to be difficult.”</p><p>“But do you promise?” He asked him tenderly.</p><p>“For you, I would do anything.” He said, kissing Findekáno’s hand. </p><p>A passionate kiss was made to seal the promise. “So what of your unforgettable night?”</p><p>“I need nothing else to make this night unforgettable. Do you?”</p><p>“Me neither. Perhaps nights last longer this way, being unforgettable.”</p><p>Findekáno smiled sweetly. “I think they do.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Quenya phrases: </p><p>Melin tirie hendutya silale ya lalat—I love to see your eyes shine when you laugh.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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